It has been a full two years since I’ve had a boyfriend, been on a date, kissed a person, the whole nine yards of relationship. Two YEARS! And it’s just zoomed on by without me noticing. Dating is something that’s so common in everyone else’s lives, but I feel like it’s slipped out of mine and I didn’t bother to notice or care. For the past two years I have been so focused on school, friendships, and eventually moving out that dating just fell to the background and I didn’t look back at it until now.
My “I’m moving out right after uni” mantra has put a serious dent in my dating game, for sure. But, I have to say in the past two years I’ve also only been asked out on one, single date. (OK another person asked me too but he was a literal predator so I’m not counting that). Now I’m looking back and thinking, is this weird? I never really thought about dating as something you have to really consciously try at, at least not while I’m in my twenties, but here I am, twenty two, and I’ve been asked on one date. Which I never went on. Because I was too focused on moving away.
Is the weirdest part the fact that I don’t care at all? I don’t feel like I’ve missed out on anything by not dating for those two years. Rather, I’m more in the place where I’m moved, and I’m ready to start dating, and I’m thinking……. I don’t know how to do that! This is the point where I would usually ask ‘does anyone really know?’ But you know what? I think they do! There are some people out there who really put themselves out into the dating game and I am not one of them! I’m not even sure I really want to be.
The trouble is, I watched a rom com today. Rom coms really put some things into perspective about your life, particularly that I, personally, would really like to get messed up over someone again. Rom coms usually paint a really pretty picture at the end and tie everything up with a bow and we all know that isn’t real life, but also they show a lot of messiness in the during part too. Like have you ever watched a rom com and genuinely thought about what that plot line would be like in real life? A nightmare! No thank you! But also… yes please?
Another part to this story that’s changed things for me is that relatively recently I decided that having children was not totally off the table for me. In fact, I think I would rather like to have children. It’s not something that I like to share because I don’t like to add to the ‘women who don’t want children might change their minds in the future’ trope – like seriously, I was never TOTALLY opposed to children I just don’t totally love them and also couldn’t even picture my life post-university, let alone post-giving birth. And when the only part of having babies you can picture is the actual HAVING part, it doesn’t seem very rewarding.
I guess what I am trying to say is, I have found myself at a place in my life where I no longer have school to occupy me. I’m done uni and I don’t have a career that I’m gunning after, I’ve moved away to live my vicarious ‘moved abroad to explore and figure herself out’ thing, and I’ve just realized I don’t know how to date, and I haven’t been on a date in two years, AND. The end of it is. I still don’t really feel like I want to go on any dates. I guess I’ll just keep waiting for the person that makes me want to go on a date?
Full disclosure: I have downloaded Tinder, I swipe around to entertain myself often enough, I even chat with some people on there…. BUT. I feel like meeting up with someone from Tinder is just setting myself up for failure. I know some people who have met genuine partners through Tinder – it’s not Tinder that’s the problem, it’s me! Anyone else feel like they’re just not romantically or ~sexually~ attracted to most people? Like I never, ever meet anyone where I’m like WOW can we please date???? Please???? It just never happens! If it hadn’t been for a handful of people I might think I’m totally and completely asexual, but I think the reality is that I’m just very, very picky. And maybe slightly abnormal. Should I still bother going through the awkwardness of Tinder dates even though I know 99.9% of the time it’ll end up in an awkward, horrible failure?
This is the part where you all become my personal therapist/dating guru/romantic advisor in the comment section. THANKS!