Life Chats | My Dating Dry-Spell

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It has been a full two years since I’ve had a boyfriend, been on a date, kissed a person, the whole nine yards of relationship. Two YEARS! And it’s just zoomed on by without me noticing. Dating is something that’s so common in everyone else’s lives, but I feel like it’s slipped out of mine and I didn’t bother to notice or care. For the past two years I have been so focused on school, friendships, and eventually moving out that dating just fell to the background and I didn’t look back at it until now.

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My “I’m moving out right after uni” mantra has put a serious dent in my dating game, for sure. But, I have to say in the past two years I’ve also only been asked out on one, single date. (OK another person asked me too but he was a literal predator so I’m not counting that). Now I’m looking back and thinking, is this weird? I never really thought about dating as something you have to really consciously try at, at least not while I’m in my twenties, but here I am, twenty two, and I’ve been asked on one date. Which I never went on. Because I was too focused on moving away.

Is the weirdest part the fact that I don’t care at all? I don’t feel like I’ve missed out on anything by not dating for those two years. Rather, I’m more in the place where I’m moved, and I’m ready to start dating, and I’m thinking……. I don’t know how to do that! This is the point where I would usually ask ‘does anyone really know?’ But you know what? I think they do! There are some people out there who really put themselves out into the dating game and I am not one of them! I’m not even sure I really want to be.

The trouble is, I watched a rom com today. Rom coms really put some things into perspective about your life, particularly that I, personally, would really like to get messed up over someone again. Rom coms usually paint a really pretty picture at the end and tie everything up with a bow and we all know that isn’t real life, but also they show a lot of messiness in the during part too. Like have you ever watched a rom com and genuinely thought about what that plot line would be like in real life? A nightmare! No thank you! But also… yes please?

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Another part to this story that’s changed things for me is that relatively recently I decided that having children was not totally off the table for me. In fact, I think I would rather like to have children. It’s not something that I like to share because I don’t like to add to the ‘women who don’t want children might change their minds in the future’ trope – like seriously, I was never TOTALLY opposed to children I just don’t totally love them and also couldn’t even picture my life post-university, let alone post-giving birth. And when the only part of having babies you can picture is the actual HAVING part, it doesn’t seem very rewarding.

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I guess what I am trying to say is, I have found myself at a place in my life where I no longer have school to occupy me. I’m done uni and I don’t have a career that I’m gunning after, I’ve moved away to live my vicarious ‘moved abroad to explore and figure herself out’ thing, and I’ve just realized I don’t know how to date, and I haven’t been on a date in two years, AND. The end of it is. I still don’t really feel like I want to go on any dates. I guess I’ll just keep waiting for the person that makes me want to go on a date?


Full disclosure: I have downloaded Tinder, I swipe around to entertain myself often enough, I even chat with some people on there…. BUT. I feel like meeting up with someone from Tinder is just setting myself up for failure. I know some people who have met genuine partners through Tinder – it’s not Tinder that’s the problem, it’s me! Anyone else feel like they’re just not romantically or ~sexually~ attracted to most people? Like I never, ever meet anyone where I’m like WOW can we please date???? Please???? It just never happens! If it hadn’t been for a handful of people I might think I’m totally and completely asexual, but I think the reality is that I’m just very, very picky. And maybe slightly abnormal. Should I still bother going through the awkwardness of Tinder dates even though I know 99.9% of the time it’ll end up in an awkward, horrible failure?

This is the part where you all become my personal therapist/dating guru/romantic advisor in the comment section. THANKS!

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9 comments

  1. DATING SUCKS! I’m 22 also and I dont know what I would do if I didnt have my boyfriend that I’ve been with since high school. Everyone tells me I’ve missed out on dating and being crazy but why ruin happiness to do something that doesnt interest me at all? I honestly believe that when the right person comes along you’ll know it. I’m old fashion and I’ve seen many friends try tinder and it just becomes a swiping game that ends in tragedy. You’re only 22 girl! You have plenty of time and it’s not something to sweat about. You just began your new life in Edinburgh so just enjoy it! If you find someone then that’s great! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • I totally know what you mean when you say you’ll just know when it’s right, been there! I just want to put myself out there more I think, rather than being on Tinder to find “the one”, I’m just there because I’ve just moved here and I have NO friends so I just end up spending all of my free time in front of the TV instead of going for coffee and trying new places. 🙄 I like to go places on my own a lot but it gets really lonely and exhausting after awhile!

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  2. I can totally relate, dating is a weird one! I haven’t been asked loads on dates either since I’ve become single and Tinder, I found, was really just a load of boys after one thing 🤦🏻‍♀️
    Edinburgh is an amazing city and I hope you find someone equally as amazing to create experiences with! 💜

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    • Honestly tinder is the worst! So far I haven’t REALLY found that yet (apart from a few) but I haven’t gone on any tinder dates either! I just feel so blegh about going on a date with someone that I’m 99% sure will probably never turn into anything – but we have to put ourselves out there don’t we?! If I’m honest I think the move is what’s making me do it! I do a lot on my own now but I still haven’t met many people so I’m just trying to do what I can! If you come up here this summer I’ll just drag you along anywhere cool that I want to go hahahah!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I honestly KNOW how you feel! I only visit Tinder out of boredom, just to entertain myself and chat with guys I know I won’t be seeing in real life. I’ve only been to one Tinder date and even though it wasn’t a total failure, I wasn’t attracted to the guy after seeing him in real life. I think I’m just very very picky or maybe a hopeless romantic that thinks I’ll meet my future husband in the line of Starbucks, coffee shop or a bar.

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  4. It is really good to know that this situation is very common! Dating sucks, honestly if you find a good one, don’t let him go! lol Dating is such a numbers game though. The more that you put yourself out there the more of a chance that you will find the right guy for you, but the more you open yourself up to awkward and embarrassing situations. I guess that the right guy will worth all of that right? lol

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