So. I’ve covered a LOT about dating in my Carrie Bradshaw series. Since moving to self-hosting, I’ve been going back and editing everything. One theme stuck out, the dangers of Tinder dating. Not the obvious serial-killer ones, but the more sinister ones lurking in the back of your mind. How many disappointing dates do I have to go on? Will I know when it clicks? Will it just make me jaded? As someone who started out on Tinder and found success, I feel like I’ve got some authority on the topic now. Probably more authority than I actually do have.
The Biggest of the Dangers of Tinder Dating: the “No-Expectations” Rule
In the case of online dating, idealisation is a danger zone. It’s still easy to idealise someone you don’t really know. Everyone always says to go into these dates with no exceptions, even if you’ve been chatting awhile. It’s hard to do, but! Idealisation can creep in with someone you’ve known for awhile too. You can create a version of them in your head that doesn’t match up with their actions long before you start dating, just because you’ve been harbouring feelings for them. I find I’m always a lot harder on the people I meet online than I am with the people I already know. When you think about it, it makes sense! You should be more cautious with a stranger, because there is the genuine concern that they could be a serial killer.
How Do We Know If We Want A Second Date?
Not necessarily one of the dangers of Tinder dating, but the weirdest thing about dating a stranger is just how long it takes to get to know them. The only reason I met up with my now-boyfriend, then-second-Tinder-date again was because I felt that maybe he felt like he hadn’t put his best foot forward during our first date. (Turns out, he definitely thought he had). First dates with strangers are awkward, and weird. You have absolutely no idea what a successful one should look like.
Too good and it seems almost ominous, but how are you supposed to know if you want a second one? Somehow I just… did? It took me a night to sleep on it. In the end, you know what? The bar is so low with first dates with strangers. If they’re not a serial killer and you enjoyed your time and you have more questions for them that you want answered, just meet up with them again. No harm done. We really need to stop overthinking it. So naturally I’m writing a whole blog series about it.
How Do You Know If You’ll Catch Feelings?
When it comes for feelings for strangers, I’ve already covered the ‘how do you know when you like someone when you’re dating a stranger?‘ concern. As it turns out. I now know that you’ll just know. As long as you keep going on dates when you want to, you’ll reach a point where either you’ve caught feelings, or you don’t want to see them anymore. The concern then is… After you just know, you may realise you’ve only met them a handful of times and they’re still so foreign and new to you. There’s still a certain stigma to online dating. If you had met through friends it wouldn’t be as weird! Because you know people who know them, and vouch for them. Here, only people who have met someone online will get it. I guess that’s just how it is. It’s nice to still have a degree of caution though, rather than jumping headfirst in!
Will You Ever Meet One That Clicks?
On top of all that has been said, the biggest of the dangers of Tinder dating, or dating strangers in general, is that it may take a very, very long time to meet the one. Some people said they’d been doing it for years and had no luck, others said they had met their partner through Tinder and it just worked out! I’ve been following Kate Snooks for a long time, and I think she said she went on something like 50 dates before she met the one. And then I have other friends who have met multiple people who they’ve had feelings for through Tinder, but it was life circumstances that made it end up not working out.
I think it is very probable that I am one of the ones that has just gotten lucky. Maybe we need to be harder on the people we go on dates with? We need to cater our swiping a little more? Do you guys want the inside scoop on how I decided which way to swipe, and/or how I decided whether or not to meet up?