2020, see ya never babes!!! Don’t get me wrong, I hate to wish away time. I always catch myself whenever I’m wishing I was in the future. Wishing I’d already met my goals, wishing I was already on holiday, the list goes on. This year has been a mega challenge for that. Equally, I’ve had nothing really to look forward to, and nothing felt certain.
There were times I wished I could fast forward. I desperately wanted to skip to when I finally got a job… But I never got a job and went back to school instead. There were a few months where I wished I could fast forward to when I finally could get married. Then we had two weeks notice and it was over before we knew it! Now I feel like there were so many moments I missed for my wedding. Truly a year of highs and lows.
I’m not sure what to make of this year.
I switched from doing #MonthlyMemo blog posts to doing The Watched Pot enewsletter in May, and to be honest it was really because I had no life updates. Monthly Memos were always big – I got a new job! Got engaged! Went on holiday! Saw family! Fun stuff like that, and The Watched Pot was just “this is what I’ve been cooking in lockdown” – still fun, just less… big. It’s supposed to be a “the watched pot never boils” joke as in, this is what I’m doing week to week and nothing is happening. It’s pretty accurate with how this year went.
And yet. And! Yet!
Somehow this year I got both engaged and married. I got a kitten! I went to two new countries. Angus came to Canada for the first time. We celebrated the weddings, engagements, pregnancies and new homes of friends and family.
I rang in the 2020 New Year with my family in Edinburgh, and now I’m ringing in the 2021 New Year with my family in Thunder Bay. At the very beginning of the year, I was wishing away the time until I would be done my work contract, until I would find a new job, until I would get engaged, go to Tallinn, go to Canada, and in March it all stopped.
I had finished my contract work, Tallinn had come and gone, our trip to Canada was cancelled and we didn’t know when we would be able to get married. I wished time away until I could know we would be able to stay together. It felt like less superficial wishing time away and more “I can’t wait until I know where I’m allowed to exist again.” Actually, a lot of my wishing away time this year felt like waiting to exist again.
Now 2020 is gone
And I am in Canada, a married woman, isolating with my parents because the pandemic has gotten out of control again. Ontario is (and everywhere else seems to be) in lockdown again. It’s fair to say this isn’t the end of the weirdness that 2020 was. But, boy oh boy it was a year of emotional growth!
I feel a lot better heading into 2021 having lived through 2020. I’m better equipped for alllll of the wonderful and horrible things life can throw at me.
Even if it doesn’t feel like it yet, if you’re reading this, you are too.
How are you feeling about the new year? Optimistic? Pessimistic? Realistic? A combination?
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