Picking up where we left off with “Am I Self-Sabotaging Romance?” I am now anxious about how one actually dates people without leading them on, or letting them down. Am I leading someone on when I’m getting to know them? What if I decide I don’t like them *like that*? (Simple answer is that these are natural side effects of dating, no?) All throughout our childhood and adolescence we spend time worrying about whether or not other people like us. Now, not only am I still convinced that everyone else thinks I am The Most Annoying Person Ever, but I’ve also developed anxiety about whether or not *I* like other people. Will it never end?!
Am I self-sabotaging romance? For a very long time I was fully honest and confident that the answer to this question was yes. When I was twenty-one and finally had coverage for the braces I was supposed to get when I was 14, I got them because “then no one will want to kiss me, so I definitely won’t fall in love with anyone. A year from now I will be free to move overseas with nothing holding me back.” It technically worked, but I feel like I’ve been self-sabotaging a LOT longer. I always, always, ALWAYS went to formal events with my girl friends in high school. And, self professed that I would never want to go with any of the guys (bi me just coming out to play, or me just trying to avoid the disappointment of no one asking?). Even when I did date in university, I always keep people at an arms length. I was convinced I wasn’t in the right place to have that committed kind of relationship. So I was always self-sabotaging romance, but it wasn’t always intentional. 