Alternate Title: Be Still My Foolish Heart? (Anything to drag Hozier into my chats)
I’m not talking about unrequited love, I’m talking about how we create crushes on people we don’t *really* have an actual interest in. You might think you don’t do this, but I promise you know someone who does. People far and wide that I’ve talked to do this thing where we fixate on someone we know we can’t have. We harbour these little (or big) crushes on people who are long since gone. Maybe they live in another city, maybe they’re in a relationship. Regardless, we’re only interested because they’re off limits. So why do we think so much about people don’t care?
Am I self-sabotaging romance? For a very long time I was fully honest and confident that the answer to this question was yes. When I was twenty-one and finally had coverage for the braces I was supposed to get when I was 14, I got them because “then no one will want to kiss me, so I definitely won’t fall in love with anyone. A year from now I will be free to move overseas with nothing holding me back.” It technically worked, but I feel like I’ve been self-sabotaging a LOT longer. I always, always, ALWAYS went to formal events with my girl friends in high school. And, self professed that I would never want to go with any of the guys (bi me just coming out to play, or me just trying to avoid the disappointment of no one asking?). Even when I did date in university, I always keep people at an arms length. I was convinced I wasn’t in the right place to have that committed kind of relationship. So I was always self-sabotaging romance, but it wasn’t always intentional….
