dating advice

The Dangers of Tinder Dating

So. I’ve covered a LOT about dating in my Carrie Bradshaw series. Since moving to self-hosting, I’ve been going back and editing everything. One theme stuck out, the dangers of Tinder dating. Not the obvious serial-killer ones, but the more sinister ones lurking in the back of your mind. How many disappointing dates do I have to go on? Will I know when it clicks? Will it just make me jaded? As someone who started out on Tinder and found success, I feel like I’ve got some authority on the topic now. Probably more authority than I actually do have.

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A Guide To Starting to Date Again

AKA How To Do A Break Up In Reverse

Just as there is a process to going through a break up (successfully!), I’m starting to think there’s a process to starting to date again, and then getting used to being in a relationship. When you’re someone who has been single for a long time, who enjoys being single, there must be at least a thing you have to go through. I am pretty sure, about 75% sure, I’ve sorted it out by now.

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The Ultimate Guide To A Successful Break-Up

Milk and Honey Cafe in Edinburgh
Dear god I hope the person I’m dating now doesn’t read this.

(Future Sabrina here – he did read it). For clarity: It has been two and a half years since I went through my last break up (my third). It was such a successful break up that I have not seriously considered dating anyone since. After my second break-up, age 19, I realised break-ups could be as positive as they are negative. It’s not a pleasant thing to go through. But, it’s the sort of life-altering emotional trauma that you can really grow through. Even when all feels lost and you’re filled with despair! Even when it’s the opposite of how you thought your relationship (and maybe your life) was going to go! You can always find a silver lining in your break up. Here’s my Ultimate Guide to a Successful Break Up:

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What’s Weirder: Dating Someone You’ve Never Met, Or Someone You Know Well?

I’ve been thinking about the question of how you meet people a lot lately.

Half of the people I’ve dated I’ve known for awhile before we started dating, whether that be through work, or school, or hobbies. The other half are people I met off-chance and hit it off with. In both cases, it felt more like I knew that person in some capacity before we started dating, because we didn’t meet and the intention wasn’t immediately the possibility of a relationship of some sort (or was it?). Now that I’ve been frequenting the Tinder, I’m curious about how you date someone you’ve never met before? We’ve covered topics like: do I really want to be dating? And how am I going to know if I like them romantically?  But we’ve never covered the ‘how do you even get to know someone from a strictly dating perspective?’

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When Did I Become Jane Bennet?

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Reading Pride & Prejudice, I was always Elizabeth, not Jane Bennet!

I suppose there are worse people to be than Jane Bennet. (Spoiler alert: she gets a happy ending). I think I and every other woman who has read Pride & Prejudice fancy themselves to be an Elizabeth Bennet. A take no shit and fend for yourself and love will find its way type of girl. But my cousin recently admitted to having a hard time showing affection for someone she was romantically interested in and I scoffed and called her a Jane Bennet. For context: Jane doesn’t show her affection well and so her love interest is persuaded to believe she’s not interested, loses hope on her and leaves. Now I’ve admitted that I have a problem with Self-Sabotaging Romance opportunities. Three days later, I have realised, as it turns out, I am also a Jane Bennet.

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Why Do We Think So Much About People Who Don’t Care About Us?

Alternate Title: Be Still My Foolish Heart? (Anything to drag Hozier into my chats) 

I’m not talking about unrequited love, I’m talking about how we create crushes on people we don’t *really* have an actual interest in. You might think you don’t do this, but I promise you know someone who does. People far and wide that I’ve talked to do this thing where we fixate on someone we know we can’t have. We harbour these little (or big) crushes on people who are long since gone. Maybe they live in another city, maybe they’re in a relationship. Regardless, we’re only interested because they’re off limits. So why do we think so much about people don’t care?

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Am I Leading Someone On When I’m Getting to Know Them?

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Picking up where we left off with “Am I Self-Sabotaging Romance?” I am now anxious about how one actually dates people without leading them on, or letting them down. Am I leading someone on when I’m getting to know them? What if I decide I don’t like them *like that*? (Simple answer is that these are natural side effects of dating, no?) All throughout our childhood and adolescence we spend time worrying about whether or not other people like us. Now, not only am I still convinced that everyone else thinks I am The Most Annoying Person Ever, but I’ve also developed anxiety about whether or not *I* like other people. Will it never end?!

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